Poker In The Rear Joke
Welcome to the poker jokes section of PokerHarder. Here you’ll find the best and most entertaining humor and jokes on poker.
Walks into a bar jokes are great for any occasion. They can make people huff, blow air forcefully from their nose and more importantly, make them laugh. From witty jokes to maths jokes. With the same jokes flying around, it can be difficult to find the perfect jokes. But don't worry, we have you covered with some of the best walk into a bar jokes out there. Contents Best Cheesy Bad Witty. Liquor In The Front / Poker In The Rear Lyrics: I was drivin down the road bout a 15 to 3 / Wonderin what the hell just happened to me / Looked to the left saw a big neon sign / Then i turned the. A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This peaks his curiousity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Famous One Liner Jokes. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. I am originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Playing poker, or poker in general, can be quite serious business every now and then. To help you relax a bit after a long stretch of playing poker, either online or in real life, we’ve created the PokerHarder poker fun section with a lot of poker humor. From the best and most epic poker videos , to the hottest poker babes, we’ve brought it all together in this poker fun section of PokerHarder.
Now what would the PokerHarder poker fun section, or any poker fun page for that matter, be without a page filled with poker jokes? That’s right, a fun section without poker jokes wouldn’t be any fun at all. Luckily our fun-editor shares this insight and has gone to great lengths to serve you a collection of the funniest poker jokes.
Our editor searched far and wide on the internet for poker jokes, went through thousands of pages of books of jokes he found up in his attic, and spent weeks tracking down high roller poker players to ask them to share their poker jokes and anecdotes, all to be able to bring you only the best and funniest poker jokes.
Take a look at our poker jokes section and you’ll be sure to have a laugh or two. Feel free to send any joke you like to your friends for their enjoyment and to share a laugh with us.
Enjoy this collection of funny poker jokes, humor and statements:
Joke #1: 5 Signs You Might Have A Poker Addiction…
- You can stack $10.00 worth of quarters into 8 perfect stacks of 5 quarters each in three seconds flat
- You yell, “Ship it!” at the ATM when you withdraw cash.
- You use the phrase “bad beat” when lending a sympathetic ear to a friend.
- Your kids are named Check and Raise
- You are having such a bad day at hold ’em that you decide to take a break… and play Omaha
Joke #2: You Know You’re Running Bad When…
- The guy next to you keeps telling you where the ATM is
- You order a cheese sandwich at $1.10, and by the time the waitress brings it, you can’t pay for it.
- When you start cussing out someone for calling your pre-flop raise with JQ (suited)
- The only things you say all night are ‘Nice hand’, ‘Well played’ and ‘Chips’!
- The nice little old lady with the big pile of (your) chips in front of her inquires if you play here often.
Joke #3: The Dead Poker Player
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, ‘Now, who is going to tell the wife?’
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse than it is.
‘Gentlemen! Discreet? I’m the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.’
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Rippington says, ‘Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.’
She hollers, ‘TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!’
Rippington says, ‘I’ll tell him.’
Joke #4: The rabbi, a minister and a priest.
A rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the police came with his dog to raid the game. Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks: ‘Father Murphy, were you gambling?‘
Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, ‘Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.‘ To the police officer, he then says, ‘No, officer, I was not gambling.‘
The officer then asks the minister: ‘Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?’
Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, ‘No, officer, I was not gambling.”
Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks: ‘Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?‘
Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies: ‘With whom?‘
Joke #5: Silent Tommy
Little Tommy was the quietest boy in school. He never answered any questions but his homework was always quite excellent. If any one said anything to him he would simply nod, or shake his head. The staff thought he was shy and decided to do something to give him confidence.
‘Tommy,‘ said his teacher. ‘I’ve just bet Miss Smith $5 I can get you to say three words. You can have half.‘
Tommy looked at her pityingly and said, ‘You lose.‘
Joke #6: Husband’s losing rent money
‘That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker,’ the housewife told a neighbor.
‘You didn’t do it, did you?’
‘I have to admit I did — though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven’t done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!’
Joke #7: Kids Play Poker Too
The milkman walks up to number 36, and as he passes the window he looks in and sees a group of young boys drinking bourbon and playing poker for what looks like huge stakes.
He rings the bell and a 6 year old boy answers with cards in his hand and a cigar in his mouth…
The milkman asks, ‘Are your parents in?‘
The boy replies, “WHAT DO YOU [email protected]%*NG THINK?”
Joke #8: Blondie Plays Poker
Did ya hear about the blonde who brought a bag of frozen?
french fries to a poker game?
Someone told her to bring her own chips.
Joke #9: Vampires playing poker
What do vampires play poker for?
‘High stakes‘.
'Why doesn't KFC have toilet paper?'
What does the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
What's the difference between toilet paper and toast?
Dwayne Johnson cuts the toilet paper with scissors to wipe his butt
All this panic buying has led me to using alternative methods for toilet paper...
I've been taking care of my elderly grandfather and he asked me to come tie his shoes while he was on the toilet
He said, 'I shit, you knot'
During the toilet paper shortage of the pandemic I found out a way to massively save money on toilet paper
I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late to work.
They say to upset a blind man, leave the plunger in the toilet...
Sat on the toilet at 11:59PM. It’s currently 12:01AM.
Did you hear about the blonde who dropped her gum in the toilet?
I read in the school newsletter today that there were kids in the school toilet block pissing up the wall to see how high they could reach
Never trust your toilet
When the 2020 lockdowns started, people bought all the toilet paper for their assholes
Another toilet paper run. Hoarders fighting in the store. I’ve finally had enough. I’ve been buying dryer sheets...
And my old ass, for the first time in many years is wrinkle free!
(Credit Gail Thomas, Grandma’s Funnies)
What does a pirate say when he sits down on a really cold toilet seat?
There are two reasons not to drink toilet water.
A guy walks into a bar in one morning, and goes up to the bar tender. 'Do you guys have golden toilets?' he asks.
'Look, last night I got pretty wasted but the one thing I can remember is peeing in a golden toilet.'
Bartender says 'OK, first, no we don't have golden toilets. Secondly, HEY MORTY, I FOUND THE GUY THAT PISSED IN YOUR TUBA!'
How do you describe an angry Mike Tyson after clogging his toilet?
I made a huge breakthrough in toilet paper technology this morning
how do you surprise a blind guy?
Somebody robbed the police department yesterday and stole all the toilets
Shortages of toilet paper are starting to occur, as panic buying sets in again, due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Please don't buy more than is absolutely necessary.
Where do toilets come from?
Why does toilet paper sell so well?
My wife didn't like the wooden shoes I made for her, tried to flush them down the toilet.
What did Spock find in the toilet?
How is a toilet like a workplace?
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis
People in Asia hoarded rice, people in Europe hoarded flour, people in America hoarded toilet paper
Have you tried John Wayne toilet paper?
It’s rough, tough,and don’t take shit off of anybody!
How is life like toilet paper?
If I ever catch a toilet paper hoarder
What did the toilet say to the asshole?
Who invented the pay toilet?
What’s the most common reptile found in your toilet?
Just wanted to let you know all my funny jokes are thought out while on the toilet
Last night a thief broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets,
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.
She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole...
A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs
'Do you really expect me to believe that?' he laughed. I said, 'I'll prove it to you if you want me to!'
'Go on then.' he smiled, handing me the bag.
Afte...
My wife asked why i always come back with a boner after i go to the toilet?
Why was toilet paper in the Soviet Union really coarse and more like sandpaper?
I named my toilet 'Jim' today
Wanted: A man has been stealing toilet seats from all the police precincts.
What did one poop say to the other when they got to the toilet?
A man enters a public toilet and walks to a urinal.
After a while of noticing the man's struggle, the guy offers some assistance.
The man with no hands thanks him and accepts the help. He asks if he can take out his penis and aim it at the...
My mom was on a toilet when a phone rang
I needed to use the toilet badly so I went in after her and noticed she forgot to flush. It wasn't a big deal, I just performed my needs and flushed for both of us.
When my mom found out that I flushed the toilet, she wasn't too...
I'm going to get in a lot of trouble for sitting on the coke rimmed toilet lid
What's the difference between 4-layer toilet paper and a liberal arts major?
Shower thoughts are just toilet thoughts
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains?
First, we bought toilet paper for a respiratory virus because we lack common sense.
Don’t believe everything you read in public toilets
Do you know the difference between a toilet and a pan?
Who took all of the toilet paper at the store?
I know a guy who impersonates a toilet
Where did the Terminator find extra toilet paper?
Why do 40,000 people get injured by their toilets each year?
I've got a book in my bathroom that I write my feelings and personal thoughts into while on the toilet.
I desperately needed a massive shit on the train today but there were no toilets in sight and none onboard so I just sat there and held it for about 20 minutes.
A guy says to his wife: 'Thanks to that new scale you bought, I always know how much I poop!'
He: “Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...”
I forgot to take my phone to the toilet
I feel bad for my toilet
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers
Did you hear about the undercover cop who uncovered a glory hole in a public toilet?
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said 'Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.'
T...
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
A drunk person walks into public toilet and..
Donald Trump walks into a Catholic church.
“where’s that box where I proclaim all the fucked up shit I’ve done lately”
The altar boy, stunned to see the president in his church, directs Trump to the confession box. Trump steps inside and the altar boy realizes the priest is nowhere to be found...
Toilet cleaners
What type of toilets do pirates prefer?
If every time I need to throw up I sprint to the toilet...
Four frogs are playing poker behind a bar in New Orleans. One frog said: 'You know I used to be a pet to a prince that came here one time.' The other frogs roll their eyes, 'You know what happend next? I was suddenly down their toilet and in the gutter' the frogs ignore and place their final bets.
It all started with a bat. Then toilet paper. Now we’re going nuts in quarantine.
Women complain about men sitting on the toilet too long.
P.s. sorry if this is unoriginal. It sounds too good to not be taken.
What's the same about the Star Ship Enterprise and Toilet Paper?
There is a new toilet system being trialled.
It will automatically post your shit on Facebook, Twitter and TikTok.
Why did they stop the production of the air conditioned toilet seat?
I hate when my roommates throw cigarettes in the toilet for two reasons.
To prevent the spread of germs, people have been told to sneeze into their upper arm. Instead, people have been stockpiling toilet paper.
I am sitting on the toilet with the squirts.
I only post on Reddit when I'm on the Toilet.
Why are we running out of toilet paper?
What do you call the little pieces of toilet paper that stick to ladies underwear?
I told my editor, 'I don't think toilet humor is funny.'
I often browse r/Jokes while on the toilet
What dinosaur used boulders as toilet paper?
So I split up with my boyfriend, last night and he stole my toilet...
I cringed as my finger tore through the toilet paper,
Sometimes i really hate my job and this damn nursing home.
I remember when, as a kid, I learned toilets could flush.
If ever you see a toilet in your dreams...........
What happens when the world runs out of toilet paper.
Recently a new supermarket opened nearby
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat depar...
TIL that the toilet seat was invented by the polish people and only after 5 years the American perfected it by adding the hole in the middle.
Someone needs to start selling toilet paper infused with CBD oil
In Prison vs. At Work
Liquor In The Front Poker In The Rear Joke
AT WORK...You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...You get three meals a day.
AT WORK...You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON... You get time off for good be...
An old Jewish man is leaving the Soviet Union
Customs: What is that?
Old man: What is that? What is that?! Do not say ‟What is that?” say ‟Who is that?” That...
What should you do if you run out of toilet paper in the wilderness?
What's the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper?
Liquor In The Front Poker In The Rear Joke
>!So you're the idiot that ruined my shower curtain!!!!!<
I still remember what my uncle said right before the toilet broke...
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He just scares the shit out of it.
With the rising toilet paper crisis
It’s shitty to be dealt cards when sitting on the toilet
I was going to make a joke about toilet paper
What did the man say to the toilet when he cleaned it?
So I told my friend that this guy that hosted a party had a golden toilet
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.